The Truth About Wives,The Truth About Wives范文 |
| 作者：Admin 来源：英文作文网 阅读： 时间：2007-2-6 10:09:49 |
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The Truth About Wives 英语作文网收集整理 英语作文网 www.345543.com The following statements were proven as completely true by a panel of distinguished men (who were immediately clubbed to death by their wives). Q: Do you know the punishment for bigamy? A: Two mothers-in-law. Q: Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? A: Because a woman who can`t even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you. Q: Did you hear they finally made a device that makes cars run 95% quieter? A: Yeah, it fits right over her mouth. Q: Why are hangovers better than women? A: Hangovers will go away. Q: Why do women have smaller feet than men? A: So they can stand closer to the sink. Q: How do you know when a woman`s about to say something smart? A: When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me...." Q: How do you fix a woman`s watch? A: You don`t...there is a clock on the oven. Q: Why do men pass gas more than women? A: Because women won`t shut up long enough to build up pressure. Q: Why were shopping carts invented? A: To teach women to walk on their hind legs. Women are like guns. Keep one around long enough and you are going to want to shoot it. Q: If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? A: The dog of course ... at least he`ll shut up after you let him in! One golfer tells another: "Hey, guess what! I got a set of golf clubs for my wife!" The other replies: "GREAT trade!" All wives are alike, but they have different faces so you can tell them apart. Q: How many men does it take to open a beer? A: None. It should be opened by the time she brings it in. Q: What`s worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? A: A woman that won`t do what she`s told! Q: How many women does it take to paint a wall? A: It depends on how hard you throw them. Q: What do you call a woman with two brain cells? A: Pregnant. I married Miss Right. I just didn`t know her first name was Always. Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible. I haven`t spoken to my wife for 18 months - I don`t like to interrupt her. Women are so unreasonable! My wife gets mad at me because every Saturday night I take a bath with bubbles in it. I mean, if Bubbles doesn`t mind, why should she? Q: What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence? A: Divorced. Some mornings I wake up grouchy...and some mornings I just let her sleep. Bigamy is having one wife too many. Some say monogamy is the same. Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a women`s sex drive by 90 percent... wedding cake!! The Truth About Wives 英语作文网收集整理 英语作文网 www.345543.com |
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